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 [Important Note: You can
download the missions individually or collectively; there are
eight missions, so if you'd like to play them one by one without
involving yourself in a 40 megabyte download, you can do this
by following links on the author's download page [www.zinkchristine.de], or by doing a search
on epithumia's search page [http://thiefmissions.com/search.cgi].] Abstract: The Basics:
By the way, these missions were translated from the author's native German, so the English translation may seem a little quaint and/or quirky in places. That's perfectly fine by me, as I don't usually play these missions for the prose (I also don't go to steakhouses for the fish, and vice-versa, but that's another story). Despite that, the translations were done very well. Speaking of reading, you should read Garrett's diary at the beginning of every mission; this will expand upon the goals and story and such. Each section hereafter represents an entire mission review; each mission included in the pack is a full-length level (theoretically), and deserves an appropriately full-length review. Why don't I just review them individually and release them as such, you ask? I like to keep all of the reviews for mission packs in one review, even though that review may be broken up across several pages. So are you happy now, Mister or Missus Question Everything Silver Does??
First off, read your diary and Lady Helena's letter in your inventory. These will give you the basic information that you need for this mission. Since Lord Ashton is one of the richest and most respected men in
the City, it's about time you broke into his home, tormented his
servants, creeped out his guards, ransacked his possessions, and
rubbed your naked butt all over his silverware. And while you're in
there, you might as well pick up a few specific items for one Lady
Helena, who has given you a shopping list of things *she* wants from
Lord Ashton. Isn't that just like a woman? "Oh, and while you're
out, here's a list! Don't forget the gem-encrusted skull formerly
belonging to a long-dead technomage AGAIN, you bastard!"** You've "worked" for Lady
Helena in the past, and it's always proven lucrative... so you
decide to pick up her requested items (and the dry cleaning and the
Meow Mix and the eggs and...); she tells you to go to the Ashton
cemetery for further instructions when you're all done. One thing I will not dwell upon like some cheesy
female-worshiping lech is that the author is a woman. Thief is a
curious game in that it attracts the distaff side more than other
FPS games**; I think it goes back
to the early hunter-gatherer phase of human history, where men would
go out and get stomped on and partially eaten by prehistoric
wildlife while the women stayed in the cave and played
Thief.
This mission is, essentially, a mansion-looting fiesta. You get to prowl around the grounds of a large mansion, shamelessly abuse the guards' sensibilities, and just be the most amoral shadow-skulking weirdo that you can be. And you know... there's something appealing about that. For a first (released) mission, it's mind-blowing. Most first missions built in Thief 2 are visually stunning, thanks to the wonderful textures available... but this one plays nicely as well. Your main problem here is actually getting into the mansion.
You'll have to do a bit of circumnavigation** -- literally -- to find clues on how
to get inside. All you need is a key, and that's found... hey, you
actually thought I was going to say where it is, didn't
you? The mansion -- both inside and out -- is picturesque, not to
mention quite spacious. It's not Art of Thievery big (although
how many are that big, really?), but it is a walking tour nevertheless.
And really, how can you disparage an estate where the caretaker
is Gordon Freeman and the captain
of the guards is Adrian Shepherd?
No, really! Some of the guards, by the way, carry shields. Okay,
not that they help them one bit (they're just decoration, I
think), but they do look nice. The funniest part is that you
can pick up the shields and simply let go of them, whereupon
they will float in mid-air. I had a little fun with this, culminating
in my "shield tree"... I know, I'm pathetic. I did start off with plenty of equipment (and even acquired more
later)... but I didn't use it all. I can usually get by in most
human-oriented missions with just my blackjack, but it was nice to
have an impressive arsenal anyway, just in case I wanted to go off
my nut. I had plenty of opportunities to do just that, but since I
was supposedly an Expert (at least for this review), I had to keep
my cool... which didn't involve scrambling onto a roof and playing
Charles Whitman. My mettle was tested somewhat by the presence of a
buttload of tile, which is even more daunting when you understand
that I had Jennifer Lopez's** butt
in mind for that particular metaphor. That equals a LOT of tile.
Since I've played through this entire pack several times, I can
safely say that this will not be the end of your tile frustrations,
oh no. The author's just getting started. My only real challenge, besides the tile, was outside... there were guards carrying lanterns. Hiding from them is one thing, while hiding their bodies after cracking their skulls is quite another. It's a task unto itself, requiring one to drop the body so that the lantern clips through the wall, removing it as a light source; walls that converge at acute angles are most helpful. I've never cared much for the idea of guards carrying lanterns, but I guess I should just live with it. I eventually made it inside the mansion and proceeded to sit down with Lord Ashton and listen to his fascinating views on revised gender roles in the modern world.
And now for a list of curious (or not) things:
After successfully robbing Lord Ashton and burning his mansion to its foundations and dancing around it totally naked save for being ritually decorated with the guards' blood -- or perhaps your experience was a bit different than mine -- you headed for the Ashton family cemetery. There, you found further instructions from Lady Helena. You're to make your way to the local village and meet her at a pub. Oh, and watch out for the burricks. Pffft! They should watch out for *me*. Wait... that could be misconstrued somehow. ("The City: Where Men Are Men And Burricks Are Nervous") Of course, your equipment doesn't carry over from the last mission, so if you were hoarding your gas and water arrows (like I usually do) in hopes that you'd have them in the next mission, then you are now the sadder but wiser owner of very little starting equipment. This map is, essentially, what its title implies. There are a couple of hunting lodges along the way to town, as well a some very nice scenery. The two prime attractions of Christine's missions are her meticulous attention to detail and her penchant for using custom objects. Fish in the pond, cool new loot, toilets, psychedelic mushrooms (some of them frobbable), etc. I've always found these things reason enough to download her maps, because they just look so freakin' good.
Ashton's daughter, btw, lost her ring while taking a stroll of her own, and a notice to this effect is posted at Ashton's lodge. I mention this fact only because that ring meant two things to me: one, I could never remember where the ring was hidden without referring to the walkthrough (the link's near the top of the page), and two, that ring represents the author's enchanting tendency (read: maddening habit) of putting very tiny rings into her missions. I found myself wading through shallow pools of water and bathtubs, poring over bathrooms, staring at window sills, looking under furniture, etc., all in an effort to find every last bit of loot... but I enjoyed it, oddly enough. I probably shouldn't have bothered with trying to find all the loot, because I didn't need it to buy equipment... but that really isn't the point, I guess: I'm a thief, therefore I should bleed the town dry. And speaking of which, once you reach the town you'll have the chance to rob a few fine stores. There's a butcher's shop, a bakery, an apothecary, a weapons shop, a Victoria's Secret, a Christie's Toybox, the DMV (Department of Mobile Villagers), a Dairy Queen and seventeen separate Starbucks. It's all here, a testament to human ingenuity, made even more impressive when you consider the fact that the denizens of the Thief world have yet to perfect strip mall technology.
So considering the possibility of the very slim chance that I may be right about the well, visit everywhere you can, including the brothel and all the shops, and exhaust all loot possibilities before climbing down that rope. If you don't know where to get the Serpentyle Torc, then I will give you a hint (since the scroll giving the hint you need is beyond the theoretical Point Of No Return): there is a locked wooden gate at the far end of the square; upon getting it open, look for a certain device that will trigger the unfrobbable door to open. Enter and meet your Torc-y destiny... or your doom, depending on if you have holy water or not. Next, head towards Madame Kira's House O' Ill Repute for a few items. This includes her diary, which details some interesting dirt on a few prominent citizens... wouldn't that be useful to have? Obviously, the "massage parlor" takes in plenty of money -- hey, it's the nicest place in town, better than the church by far -- and it's ripe for a bit of larceny. Speaking of brothels... [Note: The existing paragraph has been expurgated; it was merely yet another self-indulgent exercise on the part of the reviewer to somehow tie together the concepts of whorehouses, the Asian girl he was obsessed with in high school, and a long-closed, suspicious "massage parlor" in his hometown called "Oriental Tokyo Health Massage." I, the reviewer's real-world alter-ego, have undertaken this task in an effort to keep the review more or less focused on the subject at hand. However, I did find the phrase "Cherry Chung's Hot Chinese Taco Eat-Out Fiesta!" to be amusing enough to mention here, although it *is* completely out of context and not intended as a racist or sexist comment in any way...or so the vicious little beast claims. -- E.]
Hey, there's the local Hammer church. They're having a few problems, what with the Mechanists recruiting their high priest and all. There are a couple of shops... private homes... a small graveyard... six more Starbucks... a nice little town. At the end of the street is the pub where you're to meet Lady Helena. But wouldn't you know it, things don't run the way you planned them in the humdrum... And now for the list of what could be interesting things of note, but I doubt it:
You're in trouble. At the end of "A Night's Stroll", you were captured by the local excuse for a police force... of course, it took 127 of them to corner you, but it didn't end there, oh no. After an intense and extremely bloody three-day standoff -- during which you tossed out a body every hour -- they called in the National Guard and local SWAT, but to no avail. It was only after they devised a giant, six-story papier-mâché mockup of a jewel-encrusted vase that they finally apprehended you... although to your credit, you still managed to fit it in your pants. So here you sit in this dank little cell, singing Beatles songs, waiting for your chance to break out, to wreak unholy vengeance upon your captors, and probably even force a select lucky few to listen to your "poetry"... 'twas an evening of horror... the horror...
Fewer than thripster wurthel fwap-a-doo nap... Wouldst nipper a tweet a few woot? Hip hup hop hap hep hemp in my TWINKIES Mother? Mother? WHERE ARE MY FINGERS!!?!?" You've also been eating the mushrooms growing in the corners of your cell, which may explain a few things. Aha! So you've finally escaped from your cell, thanks to your friend Leon's bribing of a guard to give you a lockpick and a letter. Your next step is to sneak into the sewer (stumbling across Ben's big brother), whereupon you find your way to the morgue. Some equipment here? Good. So here's the idea: knock out all the guards, loot the joint and get out to Lord Ashton's yacht as Leon mentioned in his letter. Does that sound like a plan? Terrific! Let's just get up these stairs into the station proper... wow... pretty fancy for a police station, huh? Looks like Truart really went all out! Of course, the good Sheriff has an ulterior motive for fixing up the place, and it's probably a good idea for you to find out why. Oh, and you need to get back all the loot you got from your previous jobs... and you also need to do a couple of strangely mean-spirited things, such as rob the vault and kidnap Truart's teddy bear... but oddly enough, I enjoy doing bad things to bad people.
There is an underlying story which adds depth, however, dealing with Truart's reasons for renovating this small out-of-the-way police station, the local cops who are suspicious of his motives, and Truart's obvious "evidence relocation" program. There's also the question of who betrayed you to the cops in the first place. Was it Leon? Was it Lady Helena? Was it Dr. Clayton Deborah Susan "Firebrand" Forester? You'll find out eventually. And yes, everything looks stunning, as usual. The obligatory list of stuff only I care about:
After your historic break from prison in which 168 innocent souls lost their lives, you decided to teach your betrayer, Lady Helena, a lesson she'll never forget: you're going to kill her. That should be pretty memorable. Unfortunately, everyone is on the lookout for your face, so it wouldn't do any good to cut around the edges and peel it off, going around town as a non-threatening Haunt. So you'd probably better stick with that stealth thing people keep talking about. Yes, I said Lady Helena was responsible for your incarceration. This answers the question I was dancing around in the Escape! section... so much for attempting plot preservation. Anyway, she was being blackmailed by Truart and she turned you in. Seems Truart found some fascinating (read: hot) letters she wrote to a man who isn't her husband... wouldn't her husband find them interesting? So into the clink *you* go.
The problem here is that you have to find a way to GET to Lady Helena. Scouring the town for cash and info is good, but there comes a point when you have to suck it up and put 'er down. Ouch. Just got hit in the face with a few potential double-entendres. This map really isn't all that big; there are essentially four main areas -- by the bookshop where you start, the front of the hotel, the back of the hotel, Lady Helena's estate -- so this map will tick by fairly quickly if you know what you're doing.
So you've assaulted everyone worth assaulting in the hotel, you have the mansion key, and you've strained your eyes mercilessly (hey... that rhymed) looking for infinitesimal gold rings worth 100 gold each. Now you need to get to Her Ladyship's estate. After alerting both guards with your subtle way of opening the gate, you're inside. Nice place! Have you stolen everything that isn't nailed down? Good! Now find Lady Helena and make her squeak... um... but before you try that, you might have noticed by now that you don't have a sword. Sure, you could probably turn her into a pincushion, but wouldn't you feel better with a sword, just in case you run out of arrows? You may remember Constantine's sword from the original Thief. Yes, it was a magic sword that didn't make you any more conspicuous than your blackjack when drawn. No one at LGS thought it important enough to explain its absence in Thief II, which means -- naturally -- that the sword is still the subject of endless (and tiresome) (and stupid) debate. However, it's explained in this mission that you sold the sword to Lady H. a while back and you've missed it ever since. So... find it on her estate and kill her (I cannot stress that point enough). But watch out! She's not entirely helpless, and she's made friends with a fire elemental.
But first, ponder over my ubiquitous list of quaint and curious forgotten (or not) lore:
After shattering the hopes, dreams and lives of the citizenry during your last rampage, you took a long, extraordinarily libertine vacation touring the fleshpots of Southeast Asia. And although the trip was worth suffering through the lingering physical after-effects, you returned with enough mental scarring to keep a convention of psychoanalysts busy for years... needless to say, you'll never look at a ping-pong ball in quite the same way again. When your genitalia finally swelled to the size of a maritime craft (reminding some of a hot air balloon about to explode), you took your massive injections of Penicillin like a man and hobbled (gingerly) home. This would go far to explain why Garrett runs like a man suffering from advanced syphilis. Anyway, once home you sift through your mail (eight offers for a City Express card, three flyers from a lawn-mowing service, pizza coupons, subscription offers to "Harper's Thievery," and "Teen Thief," et cetera) and find a letter from Madame Kira -- remember her from the second mission? -- asking you to steal a valuable book from Sir Hrothgar von Hagen... who may also know something about your missing buddy, Leon.
Once again it's another mansion rob, this time in the form of a
castle. The author exceeds at these sort of missions, so you'll feel
comfortable here... probably. I make no assumptions about your
comfort. Although this mission features roughly the same amount of
game time as the previous mission, it has more secret areas and loot
bonanzas. I especially liked the architecture and texturing -- the
pillared main hall was quite interesting** -- and can't help but note that this
castle looks very clean, much like Paul's grandfather. So now you're inside, what do you do? Mistreat everyone, yes... that's a given; but you really need to find that book and Leon. From your investigations, Leon's been captured and has been resisting interrogation; he's still alive, but how much do you want to bet he's unconscious and that you'll have to sling him over your shoulder and stagger out of there? They've tied his shoelaces together... the bastards! Although this mission is relatively short, it is very much enjoyable. But just when you think the series is over, here comes another one...
After your escapade to rescue Leon and retrieve a magic book for Madame Kira, you shook any pursuing heavily-armed employees of Sir Hrothgar's by detonating a small, "dirty" thermonuclear device... wiping out thousands of souls in a flash and causing the rest to suffer and die of various excruciating fallout-related illnesses. All's fair in love and thievery, after all. Or maybe you just dreamed it. Anyway, now that you're Madame Kira's errand boy, she wants you to pick up a couple of interesting items (you've traded in one demanding harridan for another... how nice): the Mystic's Soul and the Mystic's Heart... perhaps you remember them from the original Thief. If not, then don't worry: they're large gems and NOT icky organic things that require fireplace tongs and a Hazmat suit to handle.
It's just a matter of (secret) record that the hideout is secret
-- what, you want everyone to know where you're hiding?? -- but
you'll find it, or your name isn't... um... I forget. In addition to
these two baubles, you'll need to stop by Lady Irmgard's and relieve
her of a valuable harp. Oh, and Sir Hrothgar's idiot son, Andre, is
staying with her... he pretty much ran away from home when he
learned he was to be married to Lady Carla. Not that I blame him, as
she resembles a Halle Berry Halloween mask stretched over a
half-deflated volleyball. Well, maybe that's my fault... the skin I
modified for the noblewoman model didn't come out all that well and
I haven't fixed it yet. Well, that pretty much covers the mission. Find one gem, get the harp, infiltrate the secret thief hideout for the other gem, and get out. Pretty straightforward, yes. The only problem you'll face is twitchy AI... specifically, thieves who have pounded down so many octuple mocha-coke insaneccinos that they're like really big black hummingbirds with swords (but with hands to hold those swords, just so you know); this makes the thieves' hideout a bit more difficult than you'd think. The rest of the AI prove to be no problem at all, although the fish in the waterways kept resorting to ramming speed and slowed me down. This mission is another town mission, albeit a little larger and more detailed than the previous four missions. The streets are cozy and quaint, with plenty of detail to keep your eyes busy while you skulk about. There really is nothing out of the ordinary -- for this author, anyway -- but the very act of getting the Mystic's Heart can be quite fun if you have fire arrows. I hate burricks. So what's next? Another mission! But first, I'd like to sing a little song about the inscrutable...
I wanna wash the blood off my hands in a layer of snow... Welcome to the town of New Bungwich. Well... maybe that wasn't the name. There was a lot of snow on the sign. Anyway, the ground is covered with a fresh blanket of snow, and you're extremely broke. You're in town to "acquire" a valuable diamond and find some guy's weapons cache, not to mention a warm place to stay. See, it's a winter wonderland out there, although I've always wondered how hypothermia can be classified as a wonderful thing. More Hollywood propaganda, I imagine. All I know is that if I see Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye in Santa suits I'm heading for the hills, Vera Ellen or no. You might have noticed that I'm running out of relevant things to say about the missions. I can't really help it; mansion, town, prison, town, castle, town, and now town again. The next mission is a mansion, and it's getting a little mind-numbing... I really should have taken a day's break between missions. Still, this is a good (if short) mission with plenty of swag and head-busting to do... and it's free, so I don't have anything to complain about, do I?
Continue-us Interruptus:
So here you are, standing in front of the mansion belonging to one Lady Gertrud "Stein" Ashton, Lord Ashton's mother, and you are impressed. This mansion deserves its own zip code. Big mansion like that... why, it'd probably take a nuke to destroy! Luckily, you have a few of those, thanks to your Russian connections... ...again, maybe you dreamed it. But it seems that so far, the Ashton family and the von Hagen clan have survived the walking holocaust that is Garrett. You just can't leave these people alone, can you? You won't be happy until they're covered in sores and begging in the streets! God, I admire you. And by "you" I mean "Garrett." But until then, you have to get inside the mansion and steal a few specific items. One of these is a scepter belonging to Lady Ashton, although it looks more like a wizard's staff than a scepter... as if I knew what I was talking about. Another is a very special and rare weapon that's the property of the captain of the guards, Oskar Denton. *Another* item is the gift that Lady Barbara -- Sir Stefan's widow -- is going to present to the happy (?) couple; she's been known to give extravagant gifts... but judging by the wrapping, it's something circus-related. Yet another item of interest is the wedding ring ordered by Sir Andre, which is in the possession of Sir Ar-Zimrathon has the ring, who is witness to the marriage. ANOTHER guest, George Foreman, has this amazing steam-powered grill that has been scientifically proven to drain money from your wallet. So I made the last thing up... but it's still quite a list, isn't it?
So... that's a lot of tile, huh? This mission is the culmination of the series, and what better way to celebrate that fact than to put every single bit of tile in the world in your mansion? I don't think I have that many moss arrows. But really, I do like the *color* of the tile, a kind of mauve... in fact, there's one bathroom done in mauve that I liked quite a bit... uh... but mauve's a totally fruity color and completely unsuitable for a manly man like me! A man in tights, yes, but... Let's see... how to describe this place, other than "big"? Standard synonyms include: ample, capacious, colossal, enormous, gigantic, huge, hulking, humungous, immense, jumbo, mammoth, massive, monstrous, ponderous, prodigious, substantial, vast, walloping, whopping, and other words that are suitable to the task. This is a place that could house England if they got behind on the rent and were evicted. In short, it's a rather large dwelling.
So it's a straightforward mansion-rob with a couple of interesting features (Oskar Denton's special weapon, for example); nothing bizarre or totally out of the ordinary, but Holy Shiitake does it look fantastic. Normally, I like these mansion missions to have a few bizarre secrets (as in the mansion in "Shining Standards" for example, which had a ratio of roughly four secrets for every guard), but this is fine as-is. You know, a normal person would probably feel a little guilty
about robbing a couple of families gearing up for a wedding, but
then again, I'm not exactly normal. I even stole the wedding cake.
See, I'm the Banquo at their banquet, their fifteen stone
first-footer, hell... I'm the thirteenth at the table; in summary,
I'm the uninvited guest.** So with the mansion emptied of loot and the people inside dreaming of little stars and twittering birdies, you should make your way back to the main gates. You've never eaten so much cake in your life, and you think you're gonna--NO! Not in the fish pond! Arrrrrrrrgh...
Campaign
Summary? Annoyance
Rating: Campaign Score:
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Thief
2
I'm giving Ozzy's chef the review off; we're
running low on bats, anyway. Instead, I'd like to address the issue
of the kills, KOs and loot totals at the end of my Thief reviews.
Instead of bragging, the real purpose of these tallies is to give
the reader an in idea of how much violence and/or loot to expect in
a given mission. (If that final tally of KO's is ridiculously
enormous, then so much the better.) As for the loot total, it's
supposed to be an indicator as to how difficult it is to acquire all
of the loot; you'll notice that I don't always get all of the loot,
and I freely admit that, so you can put away the knitting needles
and the Vaseline (but stick around... I'll see you later). If you
can exceed my total, then well done. If not, don't worry about it.
Sometimes even I get tired of crawling through bedrooms looking for
teeny tiny little rings hidden on gaudy, distressingly intricate
carpets, and it shows in the total.
Onward!
I was actually attempting to make some sort of important
sociological observation there, but got sidetracked somehow. Screw
it.
Or maybe I just gave him a concussion and stole all of his
stuff. In doing so, I gave myself a serious hernia... there is a
*lot* of loot just laying around. I mean, SCADS of valuable items,
over 13,000 worth. Some of it is hidden quite well in secret
areas... speaking of which, there were a few
"secrets," but in this mission (and subsequent
missions), secrets are not counted as "secrets," if
you get my meaning. No, it's not a problem; I just like hearing that
chime when I find a secret. Again, color me pathetic. Some of the
hidden switches were a little on the obscure side; hard to find,
behind curtains, etc. I don't mind that, but the first time I played
this mission, I missed a ton of loot hidden in one room because I
didn't see the switch, so deviously hidden. It's a good idea to
scrutinize your surroundings.
You'll eventually find the hunting lodge belonging to a
very familiar guy, Lord Bafford himself... although he's called
"Bufford" sometimes. Poor Lord Bafford! You ruined him
when you looted his mansion, and he still hasn't recovered
financially. That says something about how he invests his money (he
was the primary backer of both "Glitter" AND "Gigli"),
but never mind. To recover from his downward spiral, he's been
courting Lord Ashton's daughter in hopes that the dowry would get
him back in the black, but she turned him down cold. Blueballs for
the blue-blood! Ha-ha!
In an effort to relieve the load upon you the player, I
must insist that you get all of the objectives done (besides the pub
objective) before going down that well in the middle of the square.
The rope doesn't reach all the way down, and the gates shutting off
parts of town will not open, so trying to return to this part of
town afterwards is an exercise in futility. Either this is an error
in level design, or ropes just hate me. If it *is* possible to get
out of the well in this way, then I apologize for my ineptitude.
Okay, you've clubbed all the girls and the boys, etc., etc.
Now it's time to get down that well and find Leon's crib. Your homey
and a few friendly frogbeasts be chillin' in the town's water
supply, which explains the high mortality rate. From Leon's place,
you can shinny up a ladder and hear a conversation between two cops,
who are on the lookout for YOU. Why? That's an interesting question.
Too bad the cops don't talk after being bludgeoned. Oh, well.
Perhaps I should kick them a few times... nope, nothing.
There really isn't a whole lot to say about how complex the
mission is: you escape from jail and stow away on Lord Ashton's
yacht. Okay, yes, you steal everything from the station's vault and
require a back operation after lugging all of the valuables out, but
essentially it's an escape map... but a good one.
That's where you stand. Not in jail...that was the last
mission. Situationally, I mean. Find Lady Helena and kill her... but
first, you gotta get in to get out.** The key to the front gates of her
mansion is in the possession of her husband, who spends a lot of
time at the Hotel Maritime getting sloshed. If you can't figure THAT
hint out, you really should be playing something easier. It goes
without saying that the town's crawling with cops (more or less),
and you shouldn't be smiling about it, unless you're like me and
enjoy hitting people. If they catch you, they won't merely consent
to strip you of your dignity in a series of highly-invasive cavity
searches, no; they'll simply kill you and kick your corpse
repeatedly. Are you gonna stand for that? No!
Yes, this mission is somewhat short and lacking in a lot of
people walking around the streets, but hey... it's raining! What can
you expect? The other day I saw some woman nearly kill herself
running to her car just to avoid a light sprinkling of rain. Jeebus,
people! It won't make you melt! When they say "acid
rain," it doesn't mean "battery acid"! But
never mind the idiots of the real world (which includes Jessica
"Dumbass Of The Sea" Simpson).
So she's dead, right? Great! Now go to the side door by the
front gates and meet your friend Leon. All done? Terrific. Onward we
march to the next mission.
Yes, Leon. He's gone missing in his quest to pick up that
stupid book, and it's your job to get into some rich nutcase's
castle and find both Leon and the book. Typical Christine visual
wizardry abounds, although the guards are a bit confused sometimes
and get stuck in doorways. Maybe they're amazed, too.
Hey! How about another list of stuff?
The Mystic's Soul was in the hands of the Mechanists until
a couple weeks ago, meaning that it's now all sweaty and smells of
fuel oil. One of Madame Kira's boys managed to steal it, but not
without alerting everyone this side of the Firmament... he managed
to get rid of it before being caught, and it hasn't been found yet.
The Mystic's Heart is reputedly in the possession of Sir Stefan,
supposedly an upstanding weapons dealer, but he's really a big fat
jerk and the head of the local thieves' guild, although he looks
great in spangled tights and stiletto heels as he trolls for rich
johns. Not that you've mistakenly picked him up while visiting a bad
part of town or anything, no.
I also don't have that much to say about it beyond its
beauty, so let's move on to the final mission.
So how do you get in there? Me, I decided suavely on the
side door, and right off the bat I cracked Lady Barbara's skull.
Baby won't you let me be your side door man? Anyway, there's a
letter in her rooms thanking her for coming in spite of
"unfortunate happenings"... hey, what do you know? I'm an
unfortunate happening! But I'm sure you knew that already. It seems
that Sir Stefan met with a tragic end... and even though you never
touched him, you're a suspect in the rotten bastard's death. Okay,
so maybe you gassed him (with an arrow!) like I did. We are subtle
and efficient, are we not? It's not like we routinely take a carving
knife and cut our victims from ass to appetite. Not in Thief,
anyway.
Features include many rooms and quite a few bathrooms, two
indoor pools (which can double as toilets in the case of
emergencies), two staircases, enough carpeting upstairs to keep the
Persians rich for centuries (who needs all that icky oil, anyway?),
and a LOT of tile... perhaps I've mentioned it before. There's also
a zillion little trinkets laying around, so feel free to line your
pockets. My only regret is that the kitchen wasn't as needlessly
(yet pleasingly) elaborate as in previous missions.
The Last Interruption:
